COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY

 

The effectiveness of any organisation depends on its communication.  The family is an educational organisation in itself:  rearing, upbringing, with intricate relations that will span an era of twenty years or more, during which vast changes will take place.  Efficient communication in the house is therefore necessary. Communication should function  effectively at various levels

GOD TO THE FAMILY

 

  • The father to God, to find out what is good for himself and the family. He must share it with his wife, allowing her participation (or contribution), to have confirmation from the spouse (Amos 3:3).
  • Now God’s guidance should be related to the family through both parents together. This should be by way of regular family worship, where the father executes his priestly role in which God guided Abraham, for example.

 

BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE

 

  • Both the physical and sexual aspects of a marriage have great power towards attaining a happy union. Paul therefore admonishes both spouses that their bodies do not belong to themselves only, but to each other, and that they should not deprive the other of their marital rights, except by mutual consent, for the purposes of fasting and prayer  (1 Corinthians 7:4-5).
  • With regard to the emotional and intellectual aspects, they should both acknowledge the differences between the sexes. Women have more emotional needs, while men are more intent on cold logic.  If the one regards the other as more important than him/herself – as Christians should – then Satan will get less chance of breaking up the unity.  The key words here are honesty and frankness.  Married couples can only find and get to know each other if they are prepared to build an honest, open relationship where both open their hearts to the other without fear of rejection.  Rather listen than speak.  We have each received two ears and one mouth.  Listen with empathy, placing yourself in the position of the partner.

 

BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN

 

  • Parents should make time to have a talk privately with each child regularly. It is the task of the parents to promote communication with their children.
  • Accessibility to the parents’ attention is important, while at the same time children should learn that the parents are not available at certain times. These times must be spelled out clearly, to prevent misunderstanding and feelings of rejection.
  • Aggression towards, and outburst of anger against either parent should not be tolerated. The father should set the example for the sons how to communicate with women, especially their mother.  Backtalk or unruly reaction to the mother should not be allowed.

 

THE SIBLINGS’ MUTUAL COMMUNICATION

 

  • Parents should teach the children that the same principles in their communication should be applied among the siblings.

 

THE BIBLE TELLS US HOW TO DO IT

 

A number of recommendable communication principles from the Bible are:

 

  • Everyone should acknowledge his/her part in a problem when it arises (Proverbs 20:6). We often boast about how well we take care of one another, but in reality few of us really meet up to the standards God requires from spouses. We must be prepared to face our shortcomings and repent from them.
  • Everybody should be willing to change (John 5:6 and Matthew 5:23-26).
  • Take responsibility for your emotions, words, deeds and reactions – don’t shift or project the responsibility (Galatians 6:5 and James 1: 13-15).
  • Don’t repeat old arguments (Ephesians 4:26).
  • Deal with every matter on its own (Matthew 6:14). Do not generalize or make sweeping statements like “you never or you always”, be specific about current offences and leave the past where it belongs, in the sea of forgetfulness where God has cast it, once dealt with through proper repentance and forgiveness.
  • Let the past rest unless it would help to solve current problems (Isaiah 43:25).
  • Concentrate on the positive aspects of a matter – leave the negative ones at rest (Philippians 4:8).
  • Learn to communicate through body language and touch (Matthew 8:14-15 and Psalm 32:8).
  • Apply the golden rule of Matthew 7:12:

 

“Therefore all things whatsoever ye that men would do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.”

 

USE THE HAMBURGER

 

In dealing with conflicts, the “hamburger” method is recommended.  Start with a compliment, then the reprimand will be received in good spirit.  Choose the time and place and make a special occasion of it. Rebukes for serious personal offences should be made in private, while those that concern the family should be made where all concerned are present.

 

Communication starts with eye contact and the posture clearly showing that you are listening.  By listening, you show the other person that you really pay attention to his feelings and intentions.  We are often inclined to underrate teenagers’ sensitivity, or to put it aside, and when they want to vent their emotions we cut off the communication.